My husband wants a divorce. How to cope?

My husband hates me and its pretty much all my fault. I'm 21 and have been with him since 14. We have 2 children, a 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. We've been married 5 years and he moved out of our house last August. I love him so much, but I've treated him very poorly in the past. No lying or cheating, but I have broke his heart several times. I have a low (sometimes non existent) self-esteem and I take that out on him. The only thing he's ever tried to do was make me happy, but I pushed him away and made him essentially despise me. He treated me like a queen for 6 years, before he finally had enough. I always used to tell him I could change and he would come back, but things would stay the same and this time he's not coming back. He still comes around to see our children, but he won't even speak to me. He says he tired of my games. It hurts so bad to know I did this to us, to our kids, and to know that I hurt him so bad just kills. I want to be with him more than anything, but he doesn't believe me. I miss him so much, it actually feels like I dying. I didn't appreciate how good he was to me and I chased him away. I don't know how to deal with the pain. I know he still loves me, but he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I'm so depressed that some days, I don't even want to get out of bed.